Bullied, Bulimic, Bul*****

Hi! It’s Tin! I started this blog just to document the things I do (and will do) to live healthy, be slim while enjoying the most out of life (and yup! That should include eating ^_^)

I’m NOT one of the girls who would stuff their faces with bowls (and bowls) of rice and still remain slim (bless them). I struggle with my weight and for the longest time, it has made me insecure. >_<

You see, when I was younger, I was bulimic. I have a slim cousin (about same age as me) and my uncle and aunts would never fail to mention that during family reunions. Even my teachers had a habit of differentiating us as “the Slim One” and “the Smart one”. We became “ladies” and suddenly, I felt like being smart wasn’t enough. If I had to thrive in the “adolescent” world, I have to be thinner. God, I wished I had known better. I wish someone had given me good advice back then but the problem was, I was too shy to ask for help. You see, I got to eat what I wanted without gaining any weight. It felt like I was finally of those “blessed” girls, like my cousin, who could eat to  their heart’s content without worrying about getting fat.

Feeling acidic didn’t stop me. Strained eyes and higher eyeglasses grade did not stopme. Heartburns stopped me for a while but once it was gone, I would go back to the usual routine. Reddish face did not stop me (hello concealer). I had hormonal imbalance but every time a reunion happened and none of them would comment on how fat I was, I felt ok. It was one night while I was forcing myself to throw up, I didn’t know that my brother was keeping an eye on me. Faucet on. First attempt to throw up that day. Then, I heard continuous knocks on the bathroom door. I heard my brother said, “Stop it. I’ll tell Mama.” Then I heard him ran away from that door. True enough, he told our parents. x_x I was mad but I was also relieved. Finally, help was there. I thought that maybe all those days, I was hoping that someone would discover my secret and lead me to the “light”. I got fatter (because I was eating normal again). I remember myself refusing to attend the reunion. True enough, the same set of uncles teased me about my weight. Then suddenly, my parents stood up and told them to Stop. Their words were clear and short and everyone got silent. That day, no one joked about my weight and though still awkward at the next reunions, I was confident that my family would be behind me.

But people grow old and we do somewhere along the line, you wouldn’t want to stay very dependent on people. You make choices and take responsibility of your actions. I knew then that how I feel about myself shouldn’t be dependent only on compliments and/or sarcastic remarks. I have to do something that I know will result to a healthier body, mind and heart. That way, I would know that I’m healthy and beautiful. Remarks will just go second. 😛 hehe

Before I end my first post, honestly, one of the reasons why I wrote this blog is to help another potential “me” who would fall in the same trap. Someone out there must be feeling awkward asking other people for help or someone must just be looking for  something, anything that will speak to them about weight issues and how to overcome them.

Been there. I feel you.

Now, I’m making a conscious decision to live the rest of my life healthy, happy and sexy. 😉 Everything starts with a decision. After that, the progress will be highly dependent on your heart, your courage and your desire or passion to just LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH. 🙂

Next post will be my documentation on my current plan to fit in the Size S dress that I wore 8 months ago. Months of (happy)  dating with the boyfriend had led to gaining weight (no regrets though. hihi ^_^)

PS: Since boyfie also gained some weight, he’ll be joining the plan as well. 🙂

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